Why We Expect So Much From Summer (And What We Can Do About It)
Why We Expect So Much From Summer (and What We Can Do About It)
Sophie Brooks Kim, AMFT
Summer is supposed to feel light, carefree, and exciting. Yet even the idea of a “carefree summer” can carry a surprising amount of pressure. Longing for a change in routine, a vacation, or a break from work, many of us enter the season with hopes of feeling rejuvenated, connected, and renewed. While these hopes are normal to hold, they can also set us up for disappointment when summer doesn't deliver the transformation we imagined.
Expectations vary from family vacations, camp, or a break from school to a season of destination weddings, music festivals, or romantic trips abroad. Some may simply look forward to a few weeks where the obligations of day-to-day life go on pause. Regardless, for most, summer carries dreams of freedom, fun, and anticipation.
But what exactly is the “perfect summer”? And why do we sometimes, halfway through the season, feel burnt out or disappointed rather than restored?
Reset vs. Rhythm: Instead of leaving us feeling rejuvenated, summer can be surprisingly dysregulating. Unpredictable schedules, travel, and changes in sleep patterns can disrupt the routines that support our well-being. Even the longer days push our body’s natural clock later. These changes in our circadian rhythms can significantly impact our mood and stress tolerance, as research studies show that irregular schedules, travel, and inconsistent sleep can leave us feeling more depleted than before.
Relaxation vs. Renewal: So-called “stress-relieving” vacations can be stressful in their own right - navigating traffic, airport security, crowds, logistics, and significant expenses. Even the vacations that support rest and downtime do not resolve issues of burnout, loneliness, and dissatisfaction rooted in deeper misalignments. Research by the American Psychological Association suggests that the calming effects of vacations are often temporary and that a significant portion of happiness is derived from the anticipation of the trip rather than the trip itself. People often enter a vacation hoping it will transform how they feel, only to return and discover that the things that were bothering them before are still there.
Connection vs. Comparison: Social media can also amplify expectations and therefore exacerbate summertime disappointment. Between the pressure to have the “perfect” social life and the sense that everyone is “off living their best life,” we can feel like excluded observers rather than participants. Our vision of a summer filled with connection and fun can gradually give way to feelings of loneliness, exclusion, and comparison.
So What Can We Do About It?
1) Name our expectations: What am I hoping to do or feel this summer?
2) Explore the expectation: Where is this expectation coming from - my own values, other people’s expectations, or social media? Is what I’m seeking something temporary, or is it pointing to a deeper need for change?
3) Keep or adjust: Is this actually an expectation I want to hold? What is really important to me?
4) Focus on a few meaningful priorities: Pick 2-3 things that you would like to experience, cultivate, or feel this summer, vacation, event, or day. (Example: I want to feel more present, spend more time in nature, and to have dinner with my family twice a week.)
5) Protect your rhythm: Even during trips or breaks, maintain a few grounding routines such as regular sleep/wake times, movement, time outdoors, or meaningful connection with others. Notice when social media shifts you from enjoying your summer to evaluating it.
Summer, despite all of its promises, cannot resolve uncertainty, burnout, dissatisfaction, or loneliness on its own. And perhaps that’s okay. Maybe summer isn’t meant to save us. Maybe this summer is less about creating the perfect season and more about weaving small moments of regulation, connection, and meaning into the lives we already have.
Looking for ways to make meaningful change? Chat with Sophie.